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Places of Paradise in a World of Chaos

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Sunday, January 2nd, 2005
10:32 pm
Learning = two thumbs up

School = two thumbs down.

Hope everyone had a great vacation, Happy Holidays, and best of luck for the year to come!

Star light
Star bright
First star
I see tonight
I Wish I may
I Wish I might
Have the ~*wish*~
I wish tonight
...


you are my lucky star

current mood: loved

(1 splash | jump in a puddle)

Thursday, December 30th, 2004
11:05 pm - In Daredevil, when it starts raining, and he opens his eyes for the first time...
and sees her for the first time, and he's like "whoah!"...

Despite any impressions you may have gotten from the last entry about my day, it was actually quite a great day. Quite a wonderful day. And yesterday was magnificent. Standing in the pouring rain at midnight can be quite sensational =) I know it's happening, and I can't stop it, couldn't if I wanted to..I feel myself letting go of everything that's happened in the last year and a half, letting go and feeling stronger and stronger...ready to "spread my wings and learn how to fly" again, to borrow one of the more cliché lines of Kelly Clarkson..hehe, but it's true - that's exactly how it feels to me, and it makes me happy beyond expression...Monday was great, last night was amazing, today was satisfying, and tonight was fun. Let's hope this trend continues... =)


~*absence sharpens love, presence strenthens it...

current mood: loved

(2 splashes | jump in a puddle)

9:52 pm - If you know what to do...please help..
I'm not really sure why I write in here any more. Every time I do it's usually because I'm upset or depressed about something, or feeling sorry for myself, and then writing in here just intensifies that negative feeling of the moment. When I write in my regular journal, it helps, usually makes me feel better, but I think I write in here because I want attention. I want people to comment to make me feel better or to solve my problems. I mean who doesn't. Honestly, can you tell me that you haven't EVER at ANY time written an entry just to get sympathy/attention/a rise out of someone. No, I didn't think so. With a real journal, no one hands advice to you, or sympathy, or just the words you need to hear to make everything okay again, none of that can come with a simple click of the mouse. It requires looking into yourself, reading what you wrote, and then completely honestly analyze the problem, with no sugar coating and no easy way out. Rather harsh...so of course I would want to write in here. And then, since typing is so much faster than writing, I usually end up rambling on and on, and never know what I am talking about because the words just come spilling out, not much faster than I can manage to type them, and I never really seem to have a point. Kind of like this entry. Just rambling. Maybe that's another reason why I write in here. The thoughts can come out so much faster...it doesn't require the slow down that writing in a paper journal does. Yet another effort, in today's world of doeverythingasfastaspossible.

But I figured something else out tonight, and it made me kind of relieved, and kind of sad at the same time because, as much as I have said I know this is just the way it is, life isn't fair. Yet again. I'm not complaining really, cause I don't like to be a whiney b, I'm just citing instances in which life isn't fair. And I could go on and on, but like I said, it's not a complaint, just a statement. Aaaanyway, I figured out that every time I have negative feelings about life, it usually has some root in the fact that I have to divide my life in half. That it's always "Mom's, or Dad's? who's weekend is it? who has christmas, who's in charge of doing this, who's in charge of making sure that happens..." and it goes on and on and on...nevermind the endless (mostly one-sided) rants/complaints/put-downs about the other parent...all the stuff you hear about happening in sterio-typical divorce situations...the funny thing is - when it happened it didn't really phase me, I didn't really mind...my mind set was - it's their problem, not my fault, not my issue, nothing for me to get messed up in. Well at the time i guess I didn't really realize how much my world really would be turned upside down, and how much this would, in effect, change me as a person...put a permanent scar in my personality...and I think through the years all the anger has built up inside and I have never talked to anyone about it, written about it, or even admitted to myself that it was there, and now all this anger is exploding out of me, and I don't really know how to handle it...I've discovered that all those times i thought i was crying for no reason was really because of something i didn't know was there. All those times i felt like punching something really hard, or hurting someone really bad, all those times i got scared about what was happening to me because i really don't want to be a violent person, and I'm really not...was all that anger that's trapped inside me. I don't really know how to let it out, but I guess I'll have to figure out a way.

And after my little lecture from the soap-box in the first paragraph there, I'm going to just say right now that I truly don't expect any comments pitying me, I don't want attention, I was really just thinking out loud this time, and the only reason i am acutally leaving this on my journal (and not printing it out for safekeeping in my real journal) is because i really need to find a way to let go of all these bad feelings trapped inside, with nowhere to go. I wasn't sure who to turn to, so I figure if I leave this in here maybe someone who identifies with me will read it, and then let me know any little bits of wisdom...

current mood: blank

(3 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
11:31 pm

Haven't updated in a while. Everything has been goin really well. In general, life is splended. There have been the ups and downs of course, but for the most part things have been really going up. I realized some stuff the other day that made me actually notice just how good everything is going, how lucky I am...and that everyone is really lucky. Everyone has friends and/or people that love them, the tricky part is letting yourself believe that even when it seems like you are all alone...and that's the part i have trouble with sometimes. But things have finally started really turning around for me, and I guess I always knew that if I was patient things would get better...There's so much I want to say, but i guess that about sums it up..

Goodnight!

<3



current mood: loved

(jump in a puddle)

Monday, December 20th, 2004
6:26 pm
Okay, so - Friday night was great! Lady Gaels snatched a W at Cal (Don't worry...it was a convincing snatch! :p ) saturday was super-cool! We got a tree at my dad's and put lights on it and stuff, and then I got to see Ocean's 12 which was a great movie! (i'm still trying to figure out what happened..>_< hehe) and it was fun cause we walked there and back. And today was very up and down. I was hit with some really bad news this morning and I am so scared... but the rest of the day has been okay...I've kinda just been wandering. Ran some errands that took a couple hours, worked on some Christmas gift projects for people, and felt sad...I don't know what to do. But it's dinner time now, so I'm out. More later~

current mood: hopeful

(jump in a puddle)

Sunday, December 12th, 2004
8:19 pm
How to make a dropofsunshine
Ingredients:

3 parts intelligence

3 parts humour

5 parts empathy
Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Top it off with a sprinkle of caring and enjoy!


Username:


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Well that was fun!

now its time for homework.

4 more wake-ups as Rubio would say. Yay! Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow. =D


current mood: accomplished

(3 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Monday, November 29th, 2004
6:55 pm

up, down, up, down. The last entry was pretty down, so I think it's time for an up! Hmm...today was alright. Really cold! And I didn't have my gloves to wear, because someone coughdonnacough still has them. =p. I was a little stressed after school because practice was at 3, and so was piano, and I didn't know what to do. I wanted to go to piano, and be late to practice, but that just wouldn't be cool to the team. Plus, Coach didn't really leave me with any option. So I skipped piano. First time I've ever done that - I felt horrible =(. I really am getting upset by this whole balancing act... It's the same with jazz....there's always some conflict that I have to try to figure out how to deal with. It's not that bad, just a little frustrating, because I like to do everything. I wish there was some way to do everything...there's just so much out there- so many fun things to try...I wish there was time in life to try them all. Or even just to do all the things I want to do. If I could I would still be dancing. I used to do jazz, tap, and ballet. Jazz is my favorite, ballet was the one I quit first, and tap is so much fun...Anyone want to take a class with me this summer!?! I'm serious about that - let me know. So anyway, frustrated about balancing acts...the good news is the team is doin good, and I am becoming worried about my committment-almost-turned-obsession..>_< Oh well. BBALL FOR LIFE! right? hehehe

On Thursday we play St. Mary's of Stockton...pretty much the best team in the world. Okay, they are only # 3 in California. yikes. For those of you who think we are going to be royally worked, I expect to see you at Amador on Thursday at 6 - It will be a good show, and we will prove you wrong. For the rest of you, COME if you would otherwise just be sitting around at home! =D  And I get to guard their best player. Aren't I lucky...eeeee...Well, you know what I say to her? "BRING IT ON!" she can run her little full-ride-to-UConn self around that gym all she wants, but she will NOT score on me!

For now though, I have my hands full with homework. So full. Let's see what's on the plate for tonight:

lab conclusion, stats lesson, english, bio key terms, study for stats test, record two stories in French, fill out a recipe sheet for history, special problem, last week's bio notes, book report. collapse.

okay! sounds fun! Better get started... =D

~* "remember, i am here to catch you.."*~ =) <3

current mood: happy

(2 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Sunday, November 28th, 2004
7:33 pm
i came so close.


i've never been so scared in my life.

current mood: n u m b

(jump in a puddle)

Saturday, November 27th, 2004
10:32 pm
And to think....earlier today I was thinking about how finally..this is it. this is how it's supposed to be. I'm livin it, and I'm havin fun. The spirits were somewhat dampened however. It doesn't even really get me down anymore though, cause I've come to expect it. Still, though, it makes me kinda sad - why the hell do i hardly ever get called!? I don't want to be (socially) disowned again, so I guess I might be a little paranoid, but still...would it really hurt to just call and check, see what I'm up to? GRRRRRRR

current mood: annoyed

(2 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Friday, November 26th, 2004
10:50 pm
Happy, happy, happy! =D I'm in a really good mood. Tuesday was fun, yesterday was weird, today was good. Bball practice in the morning, then trying on dresses for the wedding with Wendy. We found one, finally! So the hunt is over. It's really pretty. Then yarn shopping with my mom (low budget for gifts this year...chances are you are getting something knitted ;) ) and then off to Fiedler's house (after a wonderful dinner of spaghetti and meatballs). We watched the Lakers / Kings game... I still don't know how that turned out.. hmm..and had some fun conversations with Alaynah... (how DO you spell legitimate, anyway? and "I'm not done growing yet" :p) Hehe.. fun stuff. But I get frustrated when I lose my words. I had it all planned out, and ready to say, just right, and then i lost it. Grrr. Hate it when that happens. >_<

So tomorrow is the first game that counts toward our 26 game record...12 o clock -Come if you can! Then probably some homework and decorating for "The Holidays" !! Yay! I love this time of year so much. I know, it's cheesy, but I really do. All the music, and food, and people's spirits, and decorations, and the weather, and just everything.. the fireplaces all lit up.. Too bad it all only lasts a month, but I guess that's just about right. If there were too much more it would probably just become sickly sweet, and a little over the top. So this is actually just right. Okay, well it's about that time. I need my energy-sleep! wish me luck for the game tomorrow, and I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

current mood: loved

(jump in a puddle)

Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
11:18 pm
Sometimes I get so annoyed, frustrated, and jealous because I feel like I miss out on so much...why do I always pick friends that get so much more freedom than me. I have a TON of freedom, I know...but there are some things that I miss out on. Like being able to hang out with people more than about two times a week. I don't know if it's because everyone else is really like that (able to spend time with friends that often) or if I just always end up with friends who have that luxury...but it's really hard sometimes. really hard to maintain friendships like that when everyone in a certain "group" is always out having fun without me, and there's not much I can do about it... I mean, how much fun am I? It's hard to hear about how much fun people have "hanging out" and "just chilling" I get so bitter about missing out on all that. I want to try that sometime, just...waste a day away with someone, or a group of people. How do I fit in with people that are allowed to live such different lives? How do I convince them that I can be a good friend? Sometimes, like now, it just hits me... the definition of "friends" that most people my age would give, is something that hasn't really existed to it's fullest extent in my life, for the most part. I know you have one or two good friends, and finding them is supposed to be hard, and they are rare, blah blah, and i am grateful for whatever friendships i may have had, and have now, but most of them seem to be kind of...off. something is missing, or not quite right. even if it is just the fact that i hardly ever get to spend time with anyone. and i don't know what to do about it, because i mean, how does one go about solving a problem like that?

I really wish i were the happy, peppy, energetic 100% of the time person that i feel inside me, but this stuff has been nagging at me for so long, it just gets me down every once in a while, and i need a while to get back up. and i feel really selfish, and gross, and it really disgusts me. here i am feeling all sorry for myself. i feel like slapping myself back into reality - back into the wonderful world around me, and all of the great things in my life... but...*even a small leak can sink a great ship*...and right now that small leak is sinking me into the bottom of the ocean.

every time this happens i get scared that i won't come back up. and i know, deep down that there will be a time. if this keeps going, one of these times i will sink for good. and that kind of scares me.

i really didn't mean for this entry to be this bleak.

i have to go to bed

on a brighter note, i got the 370some colleges in california narrowed down to 148, narrowed down to about 42. All in one day. aren't you proud? =p




Azusa Pacific University

Biola University

California Polytechnic State University: San Luis Obispo

California State Polytechnic University: Pomona


California State University: Bakersfield
California State University: Chico
California State University: Dominguez Hills
California State University: Fresno
California State University: Fullerton
California State University: Hayward
California State University: Long Beach
California State University: Los Angeles
California State University: Monterey Bay
California State University: Northridge
California State University: Sacramento
California State University: San Bernardino
California State University: San Marcos
California State University: Stanislaus

Claremont McKenna College
Harvey Mudd College
Pomona College
Scripps College
Pitzer College

Concordia University

Humboldt State University

Loyola Marymount University

Mills College

Northwestern Polytechnic University

Occidental College

Pepperdine University

San Jose State University

Santa Clara University

Stanford University

University of California: Davis
University of California: Irvine
University of California: Riverside
University of California: San Diego
University of California: Santa Barbara

University of La Verne

University of Redlands

University of Southern California

University of the Pacific

Whittier College

well there you have it - think i can cut it in half by tomorrow? hopefully, but we'll see. Well for starters about all but two of those CalState colleges will be cut from the list. Then again, i have to look at a few exceptional ones outside of California, so the list may get longer instead of shorter >_<. But it's okay because this is all still somewhat amusing.

since i'm on a roll:

Hightlights of the past week:
--Kevin got his permit (after a WHILE driving around wondering where the heck we were...>_< )
--Saw "the incredibles" which was a really cute, fun, and amusing movie
--had a great scrimmage on tuesday against mission san jose.
--thanksgiving feast with rubio's class 5th period
--Ben Franklin-like sayings in english with Golda:
"nightlights are brightest during the darkest times"
"sprinting in a marathon won't get you anywhere if you don't make it to the finish line"
those where the two we came up with. pretty snazzy if i say so myself.. =D
--passé les temps avec mon ange =) <3
--I'm sure there's more, but i'm tired so im going to bed now.

~*Goodnight*~

current mood: tired

(1 splash | jump in a puddle)

Monday, November 22nd, 2004
9:45 pm


You Are the Enthusiast



7




You are outgoing and playful - always seeing the happy side to life.

You're enthusiastic and excitable. You love anything new.

Multi-talented, you do many things well... and find success easy.

You prefer to keep things light with others. Opening up is hard for you.




Well, that was fun! what number are you? If you take this, leave a comment! Happy pseudo-Friday everyone! (that's tomorrow)

(8 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Tuesday, November 16th, 2004
10:28 pm
words of wisdom from a very good friend who always knows just what to say.

"if you're running and you focus on how slow you're going, instead of where you're going, what's going to stick out the most- the distance you've gone, or how long its' taken you?"

much <3 to the wise ones among us. =) Your vision amazes me. I don't know what I would do without you.

current mood: satisfied

(jump in a puddle)

9:42 pm
I feel like writing, but I don't know what to write about.

*I had a really bad practice today. I was so out of it: I couldn't focus, and I was all out-of-whack, and everything I did was not quite right. Boo. Hopefully tomorrow will be slightly better.

* Today was just kind of annoying in general. I really don't like this block schedule thing cause I have a hard time focusing and doing work in those study hall things, and I can't sit still for that long at a time in class. I get really antsy, and fidgety...if they try to switch to this anytime in the near furture, as a permanent thing, i will rally the forces against them...let me know if you want to join.

*I really should be in bed right now, but every time i get the the opportnity to go to bed early, i waste all my time doing something stupid, then i get mad at myself for not having gone to bed early when i had the chance. life would really be so much easier if we didnt need sleep.

*I love music!

*I don't like jazz band

*I like writing, but I don't like not knowing what to write about....

*I can't wait until it's offially holiday season.. =D

*Goodnight. ~*~

current mood: happy

(jump in a puddle)

6:39 pm
"im tired of being what you want me to be
feeling so faithless
lost under the surface
i dont know what you're expecting of me
put under the pressure
of walking in your shoes

[caught in the undertow,
just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is another mistake to you

i've
become so numb
i can't feel you there
become so tired
so much more aware
i'm becoming this
all i want to do
is be more like me
and be less like you

can't you see that you're smothering me
holding to tightly
afraid to lose control
'cause everything that you thought i would be
has fallen apart
right in front of you

[caught in the undertow,
just caught in the undertow]
every step that i take is
another mistake to you
[caught in the undertow,
just caught in the undertow]
and every second i waste
is more than i can take

but i know
i may end up failing too
but i know
you were just like me
with someone dissappointed in you..."


</3 I know those are "just another song posted up in the livejournal" and im "stealing lyrics to express my emotions rather than typing things in my own words". But really it's amazing sometimes. And I want you to go back and actually read those lyrics. If you ever feel alone in the world and you really don't think you can talk to anyone about it, just pick up a linkin park album. no joke, their lyrics fit everyone in any situation some way or another. its pretty reassuring sometimes to hear someone crying out about feeling the same way, and realizing that at least someone else out there has felt the same way before, and has actually expressed it. this is really the post i meant to put up last night. i don't know. the song pretty much says it all. and i don't have time to analyze any more right now, so maybe ill come back later and add...for now though, it's all about Linkin Park...

current mood: frustrated

(jump in a puddle)

Sunday, November 14th, 2004
9:16 pm
So, every time I get around to updating this, so much has happened I don't even know where to begin. Yet it seems like nothing has really happened at all.

-Bball practice is goin strong...1 week in the books already. Wow. We are going to be so good! So everybody better come out and support!! (Whose house? G HOUSE!) represent! hehehe

-School is...eh. Pretty stressful, but that's mostly just because of this dang French project that is consuming my life. (p.s. i HATE computers sometimes. Make that "all of technology")

-I realized how much fun I could have with this video camera if I wasn't spending all my time making a stupid auto-biography. I've always been really interested in photography, filming, and video editing..

-Donna's b-day was yesterday! Happy birthday Donna! I got her a giant tub of 100 cookie cutter, all different shapes (so watch out! =p ) and a deck of playing card that are clear, and really cool looking. And we were supposed to go midnight bowling but we didn't have reservations, so we were turned away.

- I saw "SAW" on Wednesday night. That movie is creepy. It was not that bad though. Kinda got me thinking. And now everytime I do something, I catch myself thinking about what the killer would make me do if he decided to punish me..eee

-It makes me so sad that when my families do anything particularly fun, it's always when i am going out..i feel like i miss out on so many of the family times that are actually fun, especially with my mom and bro. They do so much without me. It really hurts inside. =( but on the other hand...

-Hanging out with the gang is really fun, when I actually get to. And I am really lucky to have them.

-I really really really miss my cousins.

-When is it going to be summer break?

-This made me smile today:
"I don't ever want to let you go, my angel. xP
<3 10.7.04 <3"

hehe =D

-I can't wait to start getting/making gifts for people

-The only thing more painful than being so sad it hurts to cry, is being so happy it hurts to love...



=)


-I need sleep

-A couple of weeks ago i did a job shadowing thing with an attourney. and it was really really awesome, depite being pretty boring after a while, but the part i really enjoyed was listening to the guy talk about his work. and the more he talked, the more i wanted to hear, and the more it seemed like the perfect job for me. the now i am pretty motivated to do well in school, or as well as i can bring myself to do...So this week is the academic support week. That will probably be weird. Cause the days will be dreadfully long, but the week will be gone bfore we know it, and then it's only 2 days before thanksgiving break. i don't know what I would be doing without all this time off from school right now. Really, this is one of the only things keeping me sane these days. The other is my angel. =) And if i make this entry long enough, no one will even read all of it all the way through. Because sometimes entries are really just oo long to read. But then I won't get any comments, and really the comments are the best part about a livejournal. most of the time i just post to get comments...hehehe...so comment away, because i will be looking for it. I was supposed to study with Sam tonight for the bio test tomorrow, but that didn't happen, which is really too bad because i needed that study session. maybe i should be downstairs doing my bio review instead of rambling on and on in the journal. Is anyone still with me? probably not. I don't even know why i am doing this. i think i am going crazy. or already have gone. who knows. jeannie came over and we practiced our piano duet. Its a fantasia on Greensleeves, and we are going to play it for some holiday playing event at some carehome, and we are going to make everybody come listen to us, and give all the old folks gifts because thats a nice thing to do, and it always makes me feel good inside to see the old folks so happy. they love it when we come play for them and it's really cool to see that. speaking of doing good things for people, this year my dad has got it in his head that this year for thanksgiving we are going to work in a soup kitchen. That is going to be awesome! Ive always wanted to do that...to help people less fortunate on thanksgiving....or any holiday, or really anytime, but it has such a special meaning for the holidays...there really is that certain spirit in the air. okay. my fingers hurt. so i am going to stop now. but i think i will do this again sometimes, because it is sort of fun to just go on....and on....and on...oh, there is one thing i need to get out of my system before i leave you for the night...lately ive just been feeling so awful about myself and how ive been so negative, or so weird, or so...not me lately. and how i really care about anthony but i just can't find it in me to open up like i want to...im not letting myself go. and its not an issue of trust. well, i suppose really deep down it might be, but i trust him, and i know he would never do anything to purposely hurt me, but still, its like im trying to protect myself. and i figured this out the toher day when i was thinking about it: everybody i have let close to me has hurt me pretty bad. intentionally or not...everyone. And i think i am trying to protect myself inside by not letting anyone get close anymore. its like my heart said "ive had enough, thats it...dont let anyone else in" but i know that in order to really get far you have to take a lot of risks, and im trying, but it just...hurts to think about how i am just making myself vulnerable again. Well, i told him all that, in so many words, and then i went home. and when i got home, i just couldnt stop thinking about how my feelings had changed and that just by saying that stuff that i'd realized i'd been going through, i had opened up...and i could feel all my feelings on a different level. and my gut reaction was to be scared but then i realized that it would be okay...that its going to be okay. that this really is such a good thing for me. and he is the perfect person because somehow he sticks with me through all of this, and never gives up on me, even though he deserves so much more from me than i am able to give him right now...but i am working on it...and i am growing and healing, however slowly, i am. and he truly is my angel. and i dont know if a word of that made sense cause i just thought and typed...straight from brain to keyboard. but its okay because by now this entry is so long im sure no one will even read this long paragraph thing, in which case this is just a nice long healthy rambling. and since you are reading this, congratulations, you now know things probably no one else knows. and now im about to get in trouble for not doing my bio hw, so im gonna go study for the test we probably arent even going to have tomorrow. peace. goodnight, and happy dreaming.



<3

current mood: loved

(3 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Saturday, October 30th, 2004
11:01 pm
this is frikin awesome -

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/giancarpum.html

(1 splash | jump in a puddle)

Friday, October 29th, 2004
3:08 pm - sdpfkhwp83h
i hate my computer so completely.

i had a beautiful entry composed and ready to post when up pops a little window "explorer will now close"

curse this computer.

current mood: angry

(2 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Thursday, October 21st, 2004
9:46 pm
It's funny how different this journal is from the paper one that's hidden un- wait..i can't tell you where it's hidden! Yeah..

But annyway, it's been a while since I've updated, so I just thought I would let you all know what's been up lately...

So many things have been going wrong, but so many things have been going right, that I just don't know how to feel anymore. I've been through so many emotional ups and downs lately, I don't know how anyone can stand to be around me for more than about 5 minutes...

But it's those people who keep me going through everything. High, low, upside down..whatever...i know one thing - there are people there to help, and stand by your side no matter what. sometimes you may have to reach out, or ask for help, but the people are there, and they will gladly give it to you. and it isn't necessarily where you would automatically look for inspiration or wisdom, or look to borrow strength. But it's those people in my life that deserve thanks i won't ever be able to fully express. and sometimes i feel like such a letdown to those people... i feel so lost for words when i try to say "thank you for all that you've done"... that sometimes i don't say anything at all...and then i feel so bad...

but really. life is good. :)

Happy Birthday Fiedler. ;p I hope it was a good one :)

<3

Anthony is amazing.

current mood: happy

(8 splashes | jump in a puddle)

Saturday, October 9th, 2004
11:33 pm
is it just me, or is this too good to be true..?

I loved my family, wrote, cried, and played...anything to get rid of the pain. Failed - try after try, and try again...never could succeed. One more time, that's all I would need, and then my heart would surely bleed.

Summer was ending, and with it, my love. On a brighter note: none left to be scared of.

I honestly believed there was nothing left. I was done with this, and it was done with me. My hopes weren't up, though always wishing...but - "there's no more 'fish', no sense in 'fishing'" The past? It's gone. The feelings? faded. Through that sorry state, I would have waded, into my future, to wait. I waited...



And now you, too, have to wait...rest of the story coming soon. TO BE CONTINUED>>>



The last few days have been simple, but so much fun... ;p

current mood: jubilant

(jump in a puddle)


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